untitled and unfinished

Raging against the god object I’ve always known is messy. Scary. Violent. Healing. Healthy. Melanie Klein would have been proud.

I raged and I worked toward destroying this god object, pushing out my hatred and anger from my legs, through my stomach, and up through my heart. In my heart, I felt the anger turn to sadness and sorrow. Sadness in that I am moving into a new season of life, sorrow for the pain I have experienced. This sorrow moved up into my eyes and I wept.

The tears moved my arms, swirling the brush across the scripture coated canvas, and leaving in its wake small circles of red. The red grew and grew, until I felt done. I listened to my body and I stopped.

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I threaded the needle with the twine and plotted my course. Pushing the needle through, I drew God as I hope to know Her, with movable boundaries that let people through, over, under, hopefully wiping out the ideas of exclusion and inclusion

Because God has never been about who is in and who is out.

Jesus was never talking about who is and who isn’t.

They did not teach that everyone is in but that there is no ‘in’ at all.

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After I have raged and in the midst of the rubble, while the dust and debris settles, my heart and soul now have space for the light of the true God to shine through.

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