dreams (part 2): less swearing, more pondering

“Dear Applicant,

Thank you for your interest in interning with {Organization Name}.  As an approved internship site for {other schools with stellar counseling programs} and The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, we are humbled by the number—and caliber–of [applicants] who pursue internships with us at {Insert Organization Name Here}.  Our only regret is that we are not able to extend an internship opportunity to every deserving candidate.  We are sorry that we’re unable to offer you a spot at [Previously Stated Organization] this year; we do have every confidence that you will contribute beautifully and competently in your internship, and we know that an internship site is going to be very fortunate to have you.

Good luck as you move into this next, exciting stage of your counseling education.

Sincerely,

Director of Previously Mentioned Internship Site”

——-

I only applied to four internship sites because there were only three that I really wanted to work at, and the other was one that would give me an interview before the fair and I just wanted the interview experience (that shit blew up in my face, but that’s a blog post for another day).

Two out of four of my chosen sites sent me some variation of the above email; one actually called me to reject me and, in the process of rejecting me, mentioned that they had so many highly qualified applicants, most from my school, that it was just such a hard decision…

thanks for making me feel that much less qualified than my peers.

‘preciate that one.

I do have an internship, and I’m actually very excited about the supervisor I’ll be working with and the population of people who I will be serving. I just can’t seem to fully live into that excitement because soon after I was offered that spot, I was sent a rejection email by the site that was my number one choice without even having interviewed with them.

I hate that I cannot seem to be fully stoked at what a great and amazing opportunity I have because of one that is not mine to have to begin with

See the distinction?

I can’t seem to soak in the good, life-giving words of affirmation that the accepting site and supervisor have given me because I am so wrapped up in the form-letter words of rejection from the other three sites, one of which I didn’t even want to work at anyways. The supervisor I will be working with spoke words over me that alluded to the artist and the woman that are being birth within me through my own work in therapy; he spoke words of delight at the possibility of working with me, at what a joy it was to sit and interview me for a solid hour.

I believe my joy will come in time; I just seem to need to mourn the ending of one dream to make space for the beginning of another.

such is life.

may we filter through the rejection without it chipping away at our souls. let’s work with people who call forward the goodness that we can only dare to hope exists within ourselves, and if we are lucky we will shed a few tears in the process.

selah, friends.

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