This week has been weird, to say the least.
Through events I do not wish to recount here, I found myself in supervision at internship on Thursday having what I now believe was an emotional break. I honestly expected my supervisor to gentle suggest that I find a new profession, that I probably should not be a therapist. Instead, this kind, gentle, amazing man cared for me so well that I still can’t believe it. He called me courageous when all I felt was small, weak, and stupid.
I walked into work on Friday, noticing the schedule looked different and that I had been scheduled to work in my old department for the next two weekends. I was then informed that I have been moved back to my old department due to budget cuts on my new team even though they just hired two new team members. I was speechless. The person in charge who was giving me the news then had the audacity to say, “Is that okay?”
what. the. fuck. Words escaped me at that moment, and a confrontational conversation was thwarted by a commotion in the hallway that he had to attend to.
Is that okay? No, it’s not okay. This should have been a conversation that we had a couple of weeks ago, when you first decided that I wasn’t needed on this team anymore. You could have asked if I wanted to go back to that team, or if maybe there was another team I could join. Nope, just the easy fix while avoiding the hard part for as long as possible
So now I’m back to making burritos and pizzas; scooping curried chicken salad; and then there was the other day when I spent over an hour and a half tying ribbons into bows on bags of spiced nuts.
And now, to the other side of the coin, where things are delightful indeed.
I found a place to live, and it is lovely. A small studio, 400 square feet of mine all mine. I’ve never lived by myself before, so this begins a whole new adventure in my life. My hope and desire is for my home to be a Sanctuary for myself and for all who enter there.
Can we grow in life without pain? Can we learn more about who we are without first challenging the system in which we find ourselves? Can
Yes, life is crazy and exhausting and is sometimes hella painful. Other times?