everything has changed and I can’t feel a goddamn thing.

I wrote once (somewhere) that the water calls to me. My heart finds peace in the rhythm of the ocean waves; their commitment to return to shore, the sound of their crash, the crackle of the sand left behind when the wave return to the ocean. It all combines for a sacred experience.

The ocean is the Siren and I am caught in her song.


So much has changed in my life, and I can’t seem to pinpoint the beginning. The big things were all in the past three weeks, but the months leading up to those Big Things shifted me in tiny, yet profound ways. Where do I even start?


My boss asks me how I’m feeling about everything, and I tell her that I can’t answer that question because I haven’t had space to feel the change, to feel the transition into this new job, this new career; my head is still spinning, and all the feelings that I cannot name are floating in the peripheral of my mind. Am I happy? I think so. Am I enjoying my new job? I’m pretty sure I am. But I can’t tell you for sure because I can’t feel a goddamn thing.


I’m taking time to process through it all. I am getting out of town.

I will go to the water.

Seaside, Oregon will be my place of rest and transition. I leave Seattle feeling all the feelings without the names; I hope to return with clarity, intention, sadness (always sadness with endings), and a sense of rootedness in who I am and who I desire to be in this next season of life.


Goonies never say die, y’all. (picture from http://www.martinhospitality.com/news.asp)


I leave on Sunday.

See you all on the other side.




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